


Bubblegum Bitch.

by reidbyers



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: F/M, Mentions of Sexual Assault, Reader-Insert, mentions of child abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-23
Updated: 2017-04-23
Packaged: 2018-10-23 01:39:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,160
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10709442
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reidbyers/pseuds/reidbyers
Summary: When one of the BAU’s most notorious killers is put up for the death penalty, they have to revisit the case and decide whether or not that is what she deserves. What no one was counting on was one of their own falling in love with the criminal.





	1. Chapter One.

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was originally posted on my tumblr "reidbyers" so go check out all my other fics there!

“(Y/N) (L/N), deemed the bubblegum killer by the Kentucky State Police.” Garcia began to explain to the rest of the team, she knew they had already worked on this case but thought it best to jog their memories. Without looking at the screen, she pulled up the bloody photos of the victims. “She managed to kill five men, all bludgeoned to death with a blunt object. These men being Mark Fletcher, Aaron Perkins, Demetri Baldwin, John Dixon and Leonardo Gordon; all well known sex offenders.” With each name, their mugshot came onto the screen followed with their lifeless corpses. To say they had been bludgeoned would be an understatement, if they had not been killed inside of their homes it would have been difficult to ID them as their skulls had been completely crushed.

“She was deemed the bubblegum killer after security cameras found her blowing bubblegum bubbles in local shops not long after the times of death of the victims, we tried to stop this name spreading but the media wouldn’t let go.” JJ watched as your mugshot came onto the screen, for someone going to prison for life after murdering five men, you looked perfectly content; almost happy. “We tried to aid in her diagnosis of insanity but the court decided she knew exactly what she was doing, so she got life in solitary confinement”

Spencer stayed quiet as the team recapped the information they had found out about you, his eyes stayed on the screen. It had been almost three years since the case had been closed and since he had saw you, but it hadn’t been the last time he’d thought about you. He had been on hundreds of cases but never had one stuck with him so closely. There was so much to learn, your story was so fascinating and while he knew you were a serial killer, the exact time of person he spent his life hunting; he couldn’t help the visceral interest he had in you.

“So why are we hearing about her again?” Morgan asked, the rest of the team feeling the same confusion.

“(Y/N) is now on death row, we’ve been called in to relook at the case and to try and get any last information out about her.” Garcia explained before sitting down at the table with everyone else and took a sip of her tea. This wasn’t a new thing, often times before people had the death penalty, the BAU were called upon to make sure they were making the right decision or to get any left over information the criminal had yet to give; Spencer highly doubted you had anything left to hide.

Perhaps the reason he was so intrigued by you was because he knew you shared the same feelings for him. On the night you were arrested at a club downtown, Spencer and Morgan had been undercover at that very club. He often wondered if you always knew they were there because after dancing for a few, you had skipped over to the bar and practically collapsed onto Spencer’s lap.

“Now that’s a face I’d like to see between my legs, what’cha say, Spencer? You gonna give me what the doctor ordered?” You had purred into his ear before turning and licking his face, from his chin all the way round to his cheekbones. If it hadn’t been for Morgan practically throwing you off of his lap and onto the ground, only to then handcuff you, Spencer wondered how far you would have taken the flirting. Sometimes, he could still feel the way your hot breath felt against his ear.

“Not that I don’t like a big strong man pushing me around, but why don’t you let your friend over there take me in?” You’d cooed at Morgan was trying to escort you out, while you were talking to him your eyes were on Spencer the whole time, your red painted lips upturned in a smile. “Awh, don’t look so sad darin’, we’ll see each other again soon.” Your words turned towards Spencer, giving him a wink before Morgan marched you out of the club, a crowd of people as witnesses.

Spencer had told himself that the reason you had targeted him for your flirting and teasing was because he looked weaker than Morgan, an easier target to manipulate. You must have been following along with the investigation, how else would you have known his name?

“Oh, one important detail I forgot to mention.” Garcia’s voice brought Spencer out of his daydream, he glanced around awkwardly and hoped no one had noticed how his mind had been somewhere else. “She’s refusing to talk to anyone but the ones who arrested her so my boys, you are up.” She gestured over to Morgan and Spencer had shared a disgruntled look between each other.

A long plane ride and several cups of coffee later, they had arrived at Kentucky State Penitentiary. Spencer didn’t enjoy a lot of things about his job and visiting prisons was one of them, he liked having the knowledge that he helped put bad guys away but going and visiting them was not something he was ever eager to do. Still, if it meant you would finally give up some backstory as to why you killed those men; he could sit through an hour or so of uncomfortableness.

“Try not to hold back on her, damn bitch has been toying with the other guards since the day she got here.” Spencer held his tongue and just nodded as he walked past the guard, letting Morgan lead the way to the interrogation room. It didn’t take a genius to work out why you’d only speak to them, they were the ones who got you locked up in this place so of course you’d want to speak to them, give them a piece of your mind perhaps. A small voice in the back of Spencer’s mind told him there was nothing else, something didn’t seem write.

Through the glass window, he saw you. You sat handcuffed to the desk, sat crossed legged on your chair with a peaceful look on your face. Only the toughest of people weren’t scared of dying, or the ones who knew they could get out of it. Morgan glanced over at Spencer to make sure he was okay before opening the door and walking into the room, Spencer following in his footsteps.

“Well if it isn’t my favourite boys! Glad the FBI got the message, takes a girl getting put on the chop for you to pay any attention to me!” You beamed up at the two men, the happiness you were portraying was no joke, you were genuinely happy to see them. Sure, they were the reason you were locked up but they were just doing their jobs, you knew what you did was technically wrong. “Ya think one of you could do me a favour? I’ll talk big time if you get me somethin’ sweet. There’s only so much mashed potato and meatloaf I can eat before my sweet tooth comes in kicking!”

Morgan dropped the case file down on the table before sitting down, Spencer sat down beside him and took the file. He opened it and slowly placed a separate photo of each murder victim down in front of you, from their pasts it was clear why someone would want them dead but they hadn’t been able to work out why you in particular would want to kill them.

“We’ll start with Mark Fletcher, how did you know him?” Morgan started to speak only to be then cut of by you, sighing and resting your chin down into your hands.

“Did you not hear what I said? Come on I’m not asking for a whole wedding cake front and centre! Just like, a lollipop or something. I’ll tell you all the gruesome details.”

“You don’t have your hands free.” Spencer noted, you looked down at your handcuffed hands before huffing, blowing your hair out of your face.

“Maybe I just need something else to suck on, think you can help me with that, doctor?” Your voice became more seductive, leaning in so you were closer to him. You watched as Spencer just managed to keep his composure, looking over to Morgan who was tired of your playfulness already. “You know what, I change my mind. I’ll only talk if it’s me and Spencer. Nothing against you agent Morgan, you’re lovely on the eyes too but you were a little too rough with me all those years ago, obviously you don’t know how to treat a girl.

Morgan started to argue with you, he didn’t fly across the country to make nice with a serial killer, especially one who he knew liked to play tricks.

“Either you tell both of us or we leave and you can live the rest of your days in solitary with no chance of getting out.” Anyone else would have been intimidated by Morgan’s threat, you knew he was telling the truth and if you didn’t already believe that Spencer would defend your request, you might have been worried.

“Morgan, it’s alright. I can manage.” Spencer didn’t sound convinced by his own words, he already could tell that you were just going to continue being flirtatious and sidetracking the subject at hand but he had to try at least. Morgan didn’t look happy with him siding with you but he composed himself and stood up from the desk, looking at Spencer one last time before leaving the room.

“There, much better don’tcha think?” You smiled toothily at the handsome man across from you before reaching as far as you could with your hands in handcuffs to pick up the photo of the first victim. “Real scum bag this one, sadistic fuck who liked to rape girls in alley ways. Kinda makes you think, huh. Guys like that get a few years and I get thrown in the nutty bin for taking them out.”

Spencer clasped his hands together and looked down at the photo, then back up at you. There was no sorrow or regret in your eyes, no sense of pity towards the man who’s life you took. As much as he knew what you were saying was misguided and wrong, he understood where you were coming from; that was his job after all, working out how criminal’s thought.

“Where did you met him?”

“Your haircut looks awfully nice, doctor, shows off that pretty face. I still think about those cheekbones, ya know. I’m surprised I didn’t cut my tongue with how sharp that face is.” You slowly traced your tongue over your lips, recalling the way Spencer felt beneath your tongue, you dropped the photo and leant back in your chair. “I didn’t go out for coffee and cake with the guy if that’s what you mean, it’s so easy to find local sex offenders in your area, just takes the right kind of person to put in the effort.”

Spencer tilted his head slightly but kept silent, letting you speak about how you managed to track down each man, of course between each piece of information you gave him you would slip a compliment or flirtatious comment in there, just for the fun of it.

“Why did you chose to target sex offenders?” Instead of firing back immediately with a snarky comment, you paused. For the first time since he had sat down, Spencer could see a person beneath the animated mannerisms you put on, someone with actual thoughts and feelings.

“Do you have a girlfriend, doctor?” You said quietly.

“No.” He replied.

You smiled softly, glancing around the empty room aimlessly.

“Pity, you seem sweet. Maybe if I wasn’t such a freak I’d have met someone like you, started a family. I love kids, always wanted ‘em.” Spencer didn’t know how to respond, for what felt like the first time in his life he was truly speechless. He looked down at the file, trying to think of another question to ask.

“I bet you’re not the kind of man that thinks women are property, a hole to be filled. I have a feelin’ you’re the only man in my life who’s not like that. Everyone else made sure I knew exactly what the purpose of my mouth was and guess what, doctor? It wasn’t for speaking.” Whatever playfulness you held on your tongue was now gone, your voice was cold and punctuated. It felt like giving up, confessing this secret that you’d held so tightly as your own for years and years. You weren’t a hundred percent sure as to why you were telling Spencer, it would only solidify his case against you but you liked him, liked the sort of innocent aura he had.

A knock on the door interrupted the moment and Spencer whipped round to look at it, he remembered that meant it was time he got out of there. Clearing his throat, he took all the photographs and put them back in the case file, standing up and began to make his way to the door before stopping.

“Do me a favour, would you? Have somethin’ sweet tonight, looks like I’m never gonna get my lollipop so at least enjoy something for me.” Spencer didn’t look back at you, he stared straightforward at the door until he finally made himself walk through it, leaving you alone again.


	2. Chapter Two.

“Let’s go over what we know.” Morgan said, walking around the table with a coffee cup in hand. He was completely over this case, it was aggravating three years ago and continued to be one of his least favourite cases. It wasn’t because it was particularly graphic, instead he just couldn’t stand you and the way you manipulated everyone. He knew that he should feel bad about thoughts like this but Morgan was glad you on death row, maybe it would make you feel something other than cocky. “(Y/N) located the victims online databases, choosing who to kill on a strict checklist.”

“Men over thirty five, sex crimes directed specifically at strangers, served a shorter amount of time in jail than they were originally given. It’s a specific M.O, she never strayed away from this victim pool.” Spencer flipped through his notes, a somber look on his face. There was no real point to going over all these facts, never had you tried to plead innocent instead boasted about how you had helped clean up the neighbourhood. “She implyed that she was sexual assulted when we were alone, that could be the trigger.”

Spencer was too busy skimming through the notes to realise Morgan had perched on the table in front of him, leaning forward to study Spencer’s face.

“Okay, what’s up kid? You’ve been acting weird since we got here.” Spencer frowned at Morgan’s accusation, he pursed his lips and shook his head.

“I’m fine.” He lied.

Morgan sighed and clasped his hands together in front of him, glancing out the room at the other guards, making sure they weren’t going to walk in before he started talking again. He’d known Spencer for years now and he could tell when something was wrong, maybe it was something big and maybe it wasn’t but Morgan wanted to stop it before it started to effect Spencer’s work.

“It’s about her right? Something’s bothering you.” Morgan took the notes out of Spencer’s hands and glanced over them, because of Spencer’s high moral compass he knew it was almost impossible that he felt empathy for you - someone who viciously killed five men. However he worried that he might have picked up on something that no one else did.

“I don’t know.” Spencer sighed, he stood up from his seat and walked over to where the other case files lay. He spread them out, putting all the victim photos out on the table. “Something isn’t right, I can’t work out what it is but there’s something missing. (Y/N) plays the delusional vigilante well but she’s hiding something, there’s more to her than people give her credit.”

“Or is it you giving her too much credit? Reid, I think you’re looking too far into this. We came and did our job, we have physical evidence of her crimes and a confession. Unless a miracle happens, she isn’t going to make it to next week.”

Morgan looked down at the bloody crime scene photos and shrugged, looking back up at Reid who was still studying them. “Let’s call it a night, we have a plane to catch early tomorrow morning.”

That night, Spencer couldn’t sleep. He lay awake, staring at the ceiling. He had a bad feeling, something was off in a way he couldn’t describe, he just could sense it. The next morning on the plane back home he was silent, watching the clouds out from the window while Morgan sat opposite him listening to his music. There was a sense of awkwardness in the air, he still had that feeling in his stomach that something was going to go wrong.

A few days past, nothing particularly interesting happened. Lots of paperwork, mild small talk, late nights with good books. It wasn’t until Thursday morning that everything came crashing down.

“This is bad, oh so bad, really really bad.” Garcia kept muttering to herself as she walked into the main section of the headquarters, her tablet in hand and a worried look on her face. “Conference room, now!” She yelled out as she hurried up the stairs, the team started worried looks as they followed her. Hotch was already in there, his phone in hand.

“(Y/N) (L/N) escaped last night and there has been no sign of her since.” Hotch stated with clear annoyance in his voice, everybody who had worked on the case knew how aggravating it was to catch you and the last thing he wanted was to go through that again.

“She broke out of solitary confinement? How?” JJ questioned in complete disbelief, she’d heard of people escaping of course but never something like this.

“I’d tell you how if I was an insane bubble blowing serial killer but alas I am not, three guards are dead however and we think these four women are involved.” Garcia pointed her remote at the screen and pulled up four photos of seeming normal women. “These women being Megan Duncan, Sophie Lamb, Valentina Hamlin and Jillian Moor; all previous victims of (Y/N’s) kills.”

“Were they seen at the prison?” Emily asked.

“Yes, they all tried to visit her but were told no because of the, you know, solitary confinement it’s in the name. Security cameras were all taken out before so we don’t know how they exactly managed it.” Slowly, everyone’s gaze directed to Spencer and Morgan. They were the last people to speak to you and now, you were gone and it was very possible they would be held accountable.

Spencer felt his blood run cold, he thought back to when you spoke but there was nothing that suggested this, it seemed like you had accepted your fate but maybe that was just because you knew you could get out of it.

“The whole the Kentucky State Police are out looking for her, we’ll fly over there to aid in the investigation. You have an hour to collect your things.” As soon as Hotch stopped speaking, everyone turned and exited with the intention of going home and getting their travel bags.

Spencer noticed something was wrong as soon as he entered his apartment, there was music blaring which would not becoming from either of his neighbours as they were both elderly women. He hesitated before reaching for his gun, taking each step up the stairs slowly.

I Wanna Dance With Somebody was blasting out from within Spencer’s apartment, definitely not the kind of music he listened to or would even own. He listened through the door for sounds of movement, there were feet tapping against his wooden floorboards and he didn’t have to guess who it was. The door was unlocked so all he had to do was push the door open with his foot and raise his gun.

“God, I haven’t heard music like this in forever- Yeah! I wanna dance with somebody.” You sang out loudly, you were wearing one of Spencer’s shirts, the fabric was too long and came down to your mid thigh but it was perfect for twirling as you span around. Your hair was shorter now, cut bluntly neck length which was a dramatic change from the long locks you had before.

“How did you get here?” Spencer asked coldly, his gun pointed directly at you and followed as you continued to dance around his apartment. Whenever your raised your arms the shirt would rise and reveal your panties but Spencer’s eyes didn’t drop, he stared directly at your face.

“Got some fans when I was locked up, the ladies got me all dolled up so no one would recognize me and sneaked me on a plane, took me exactly where I wanted to go.”

“No, how did you escape prison?” Spencer reiterated, he wasn’t scared of you but he was worried of what you would do with free will, you would hurt him if it meant getting what you want.

“I told ya! My girls helped me, I’ll tell you the juicy details later but now, let me have a good look at you.” You grinned and dropped to the flats of your feet, walking slowly towards Spencer.

Spencer took a step back and kept his gun steady, he knew he should have called in and told someone, anyone that you were here but instead he stood and had a conversation. It was because he felt that connection, whatever you felt about him he was aware and could use it against you; that’s what he told himself at least.

“Stay back.” He warned in a voice he had never heard from himself before, aggressive and low. It only peaked your curiosity more and you continued to edge closer and closer

“Why? We’re finally alone doctor, you can finally have me…” Your hands went to tug at his belt but before you got there, Spencer had raised his gun and fired up into the ceiling, the shot making you jump. “Geez! I get it! Doctor Reid, big scary man with a gun; I understand.” If Spencer had handcuffs with him he would have put them on you when your hands went up, but all he had was his gun and it wasn’t in his interest to shoot you.

“What did you expect coming here? Did you think I’d help you?”

You smiled, you were close enough now to study Spencer’s face. There were so many people you couldn’t have gone to first, your fans, your family, Derek Morgan’s home to aggravate him even more but you had chosen Spencer’s home; neither of you had to ask why.

“I have some information about some really, really bad men. People who are worse than me-”

“You’re an escaped convict who crushed the skulls of five men.” You rolled your eyes at Spencer’s point.

“Real bad, like, child sex ring bad. I know more bad men, this time one’s who want to hurt kids. I know where they are, I can take you to them.” You looked up at Spencer, he towered over you which would be intimidating to other people but it was crystal clear now you weren’t just “other people.”

Spencer didn’t look convinced by your words, his gun remained aimed at you and his finger against the trigger. He found it hard to believe that you would break out of a highly guarded prison, kill three guards and fly to Virginia just to tell Spencer about the possibility of a sex ring. A million questions raised through his mind, he couldn’t pick one to ask first so he just stared at you, 80s pop still blaring in the background.

“I’ll be compliant, doc. Let me take you to them and then you can arrest me.”

“Why would I not arrest you now?” If Spencer was anyone else, you would have been in the car on the way to the station right now. There was no way Morgan or Emily would stand here and converse with you, you’d be shot somewhere that would immobilise you and then removed forcefully. Spencer was himself though and he could not make himself pull the trigger, he needed to hear what you said.

“Because then you’d be killin’ a bunch of little kids, maybe not literally but that kind of abuse fucks a person up. You might be spawning a group of ‘lil me’s.”

You both stood there for a minute, quiet and staring at each other. There was no way you could defend yourself from Spencer if he decided to shoot you or even manhandle you down the stairs, you were strong but only with a weapon and you’d purposely not picked one up.

Because you knew Spencer was going to do what you wanted.


	3. Chapter Three.

“Something’s come up, it’s- it’s family related. Go on without me, I’ll catch up in a few days.” Spencer said as he left a voicemail on Morgan’s phone, he felt bad for lying and he felt even worse using his family as the fake reasoning but what else could be say? Telling the FBI that you had the criminal they were looking for half naked in your passenger seat and you were about to let her give you directions to a presumed child sex ring - that wasn’t going to end well in the slightest. He sighed and slipped his phone back into his coat pocket before looking over at you, bare legs up on his dashboard and a proud grin on your face.

“You think that’s gonna work?” You grinned over as you made yourself comfortable in Spencer’s small car, to say you were happy that Spencer had agreed to do as you asked would be an understatement. You knew the trouble he was going to get in once his team found out what he was doing but it made you feel special, nobody had ever put this much effort into something you wanted before; sure it wasn’t for you directly but you could pretend.

Pretending was what you did best, you had spent days wishing you were somewhere else while a hand dug into your thigh, your mouth forced open around something you didn’t want. Eventually you became so good at it you could convince yourself all that dirtiness you felt inside of you was love, they just loved you so much and wanted to show you exactly that. You told yourself that was why you killed those men, out of love. Not out of love for them but instead the women they hurt, love had a funny way of manifesting itself in the most dangerous of ways.

It was easy to pretend that Spencer wanted to be with you, he was so good and pure compared to all the other men in your life and you wished that maybe, just maybe if things hadn’t gone the way it did you wouldn’t be a sour taste in his mouth.

“Tell me where we are going.” Spencer ignored your question and turned on the ignition, he couldn’t believe he was really about to drive a wanted criminal wherever she pleased but yet he put his hands on the steering wheel and waited for you to tell him. He didn’t want to do this, he had no idea what he’d do once he arrived there with no backup and only one gun but if you were telling the truth then there were children who needed to be saved, it would eat away at him forever if he didn’t do something.

“Tennessee.” You smiled and glanced out of the window, there were plenty of people passing by but nobody took any interest and that alone delighted you. Spencer sighed heavily, taking his hands off of the steering wheel to rub at his face. “Come on, don’t look so glum! Am I that bad of company?” You stuck your bottom lip out and crossed your arms over your chest, the shirt you had chosen was worn and smelt like Spencer’s cologne. You had been surprised that he hadn’t asked you to put whatever you were wearing before back on, instead he had just ushered you out of the apartment and into the car with a gun pointed at you, bare feet and all.

With a long of disdain on his face, Spencer began to drive. There was nothing keeping you in the car, no handcuffs or gun pointed at you, to passers by it probably looked like a perfectly normal couple was just driving along in the car. It occurred to Spencer that maybe you had intended it to be like that, you wanted to feel normal before everything came crashing down, there was no possible way that you’d avoid the death penalty now so time was quickly running out.

The drive to Tennessee wasn’t an incredibly long one, eight and a half hours without any stops but that was an awfully long time when you had the FBI’s currently most wanted perched in your car singing along to the radio.

“Please, can you stop?” You hadn’t been in the car for more than twenty minutes but Spencer was already losing whatever patience he had left, you had turned the radio on and after what felt like an eternity of going through the music stations you had decided to stay on an awful 80s pop station.

“Come on, doctor! Give me a break, all that classical you listen to is gonna make you brain dead.” You grinned before continuing to sing along, tapping your feet against the dashboard in rhymum to the music.

“Why do you always call me doctor?” Spencer stopped at a traffic light and looked over at you, you were rolling down the car window but before it was down enough for you to stick your head out of Spencer had leant over and grabbed you, pulling you closer to him. “Stop. Stop messing around, stop with the flirting, stop with the music. I am not helping you, I am helping those children you say are being hurt so just sit there and be quiet.”

Spencer pushed you back down onto your seat before starting to drive again, out of the corner of his eye he could see you flattening your shirt back down from where he had grabbed it, sinking back into your seat with a defeated posture. If he didn’t know any better, he’d say this was the way a teenager would behave, not a serial killer.

He knew everything there was to know about serial killers, had studied mental disorders and psychology to the fullest, spent years dealing with murderers and somehow, he didn’t treat you like others. That might have been because he’d never met someone like you before, someone who on the surface seemed utterly crazy but when you looked a little deeper, there was someone with intelligence thoughts and levels of empathy you just didn’t see in people with insanity. You weren’t insane and you certainly weren’t just another serial killer, trying to work out exactly what you were would slowly drive Spencer insane himself.

You sat quietly in the seat, the music had now been switched off leaving you both in silence. Thankfully, it was a warm day and sunlight was streaming in through the windows, you leant your head against the car door and stared out at the world as it past. You couldn’t get the way Spencer touched you out of your head, it was the first time he had ever touched you and while it wasn’t in the way you would have liked; you were used to people’s aggressive touch.

“I call you doctor because I’m not your friend, friends get to call you your name and I’m not that. So, you’re doctor to me. Is that a problem?” An hour later you finally answered Spencer’s question, no flirtatious comment followed just the simple explanation. Spencer just stayed quiet and focused on the road, he had heard you but had nothing valuable to add because you were right, you weren’t his friend.

Much like how Spencer had originally intended, the next three hours of the car ride were in dead silence, if Spencer hadn’t looked over at you every few minutes to check you weren’t doing anything you weren’t supposed to he would have thought you weren’t there in the first place. As he drove his mind kept thinking back to the millions of questions he had for you when he met you again in the interrogation room, again when you turned up in his house. You were slowing dropping the mask you held so intently so was there ever going to be a better time to rid himself of all those questions?

“How long had you been following the investigation before you were arrested?”

“Since I killed the first guy.” You answered Spencer’s question without hesitation, there was no point now in trying to keep things to yourself especially since you knew how this was all going to end. “Lead me to you, didn’t it? So this wasn’t all bad.”

“What do you mean?” Spencer’s question was redundant because he knew exactly what you were saying, your obsession with him had been clear from the second you climbed onto his lap all those years ago and as badly as he wanted to say he didn’t feel the same way, there was a fascination he could not deny.

“I’ve been all over you since the day we met, that big brain really can’t put the clues together?”

Spencer opened his mouth to reply but a beeping interrupted him, he glanced down to see the gas light was on. There was no way he was going to leave you in the car in case you decided you had better things to do than just offer directions but he also didn’t want to take you into the gas station with him since someone might have recognised you from the news. He pulled in at the next gas station before turning fully to look at you.

“You’re coming in with me, don’t talk to anyone and don’t try anything.”

“Don’cha think I’m going to look a little odd? It kinda looks like we just did somethin’ really dirty.” You gestured down at yourself only wearing Spencer’s shirt, it really did look like you’d slipped his shirt on after having sex and while you liked that Spencer apparently didn’t because you watched him slip off his coat.

“Put this on if you want to cover up.” He offered you his coat and you took it happily, slipping it on over his shirt. The coat was far too big on you, it was long on Spencer so it looked a little silly on you but it kept you covered which was good enough. Spencer watched you closely as the two of you got out of the car, he began filling the gas up and you just leant against the car.

When you walked inside, Spencer walked immediately to the cash register while you began to wander around the aisles. You walked past all the candy, your mouth began to water as you picked up one of the chocolate bars and sneakily took the wrapper off and stuck the chocolate into your pocket. Just as Spencer was finishing paying for the gas you saw the spot with all the gum, your feet pattered against the cold floor as you hurried over and looked around for your favourite.

Spencer frowned as he stared down at the strawberry flavoured bubblegum you had just placed on the counter, he then looked at you who had a coy smile on your face. He was about to tell you to put it back before the man working the cash register chimed in with a jolly voice.

“Come on, let your lady have a treat.” He laughed at the hopeful look on your face

“Yeah, give your lady a treat.” You leant up on your tiptoes to press a chaste kiss against his cheek. There was no way that Spencer could show his distaste for how you were acting so instead he just quickly threw the money onto the counter, picked up the gum and grabbed your hand. He walked you out with his hand in yours while you were waving goodbye to the owner. “Thank you!”

It didn’t take much to know Spencer was angry, you knew your company wasn’t exactly the most easy to handle and with the added stress he was under; it was too easy to mess with him.

“Is this all just some game to you?” Spencer asked once you were both back inside the car, he watched as you pulled the chocolate bar out of your pocket and began eating it. You just moaned in response, you hadn’t eaten something so sweet in such a long time and that was difficult considering your strong sweet tooth. “(Y/N)-”

“Listen, we both know how this is going to end. Can you please just let me have this, pretty please?” You said with your mouth full of chocolate, it was melting in your hands so you kept having to lick your fingers clean which only aggravating Spencer more because you weren’t paying attention.

“Let you have this? I don’t have to give you anything, the only reason you’re here is because I didn’t call my team and have them lock you up again.”

“And why is that? Why didn’t you call them, huh?” You hadn’t forced Spencer to take you with him, the only gun that had been pointed was at you so it was his decision to follow your request. “We both know the reason.”

“Because you told me there were children in danger and it’s my job-”

“Enough with the FBI spiel, I know you want to do some good and you’ll tell your team that when you go running back into their arms but right now, you’re just some boy who wants some answers.” You dropped the last piece of chocolate into your mouth and chewed it before licking the rest off your fingers, then you reached over and picked up the bubblegum you’d chosen. “I’m willing to talk, but we’re doing this together or not at all.”

As difficult as it was to admit, you were right and Spencer knew this. All day he could proclaim how he’d only gone along with everything because there were lives at stake and while he did care immensely about them, he was still inquisitive about you and he hated himself for it.

“Okay.” He said eventually, starting the car up again and drove out of the gas station. There was still another four hours of the car ride and he decided he might as well use it to some good use. “Why did you use a bat to murder those five men?”

“How’d you know it was a bat? I kept my baby hidden away.” You chewed the piece of gum obnoxiously as you spoke, you waited until after you blew a perfect pink bubble before replying. “I’m not very strong, I had to use something that would be easy for me to handle but also fuckin’ crush them.” For a second, Spencer saw the person who had the capability to murder but then she was gone, back to blowing bubbles. “Why do you keep asking these questions, I know they’re not the one’s you want to ask.”

“What questions do I think I want to ask?” Despite still not being happy with the situation Spencer felt himself relaxing into his seat, to say he trusted you would be exaggerated but he at least knew you weren’t going anywhere.

“Why the bubblegum, who’s the assholes who assaulted you, why do I keep flirting with you even though I know you’re keeping it in your pants; pick from the list, doctor.” Spencer pretended like he didn’t hear the last question and instead just nodded his head, allowing you to continue speaking. “When I was a little girl, my mother would always let me get bubblegum from the store after I did my chores or something good. It was my favourite and I guess it just stuck with me so after I whacked those creeps round the head, I deserved a treat.”

“Positive reinforcement..” Spencer said to himself, unsure how he hadn’t worked that out himself.

“Yeah, like a dog. I’m a bit of a bitch what can I say!” You giggled and cuddled up into Spencer’s coat, the sun was slowly setting down so the sunlight wasn’t streaming as hard in through the windows. “Next, the pricks who touched me. When I was in college I took night classes because, well who doesn’t want to sleep all day? On my way back to my dorm these three guys jumped me, dragged me into an alley and well…I’m sure you can imagine the rest.”

“Did you go to the police?” Spencer already knew you hadn’t, they’d checked too see if maybe you had reported a rape and that was why you were killing rapists but no such report had come up.

“No, I told my teacher and he just said that maybe if I didn’t dress like such a slut boys would be able to keep their hands off me. I learnt then that nobody cares for girls who cry rape, once you’re tainted then other men can smell it, they know you’re an easy target and won’t fight back.”

Spencer understood why you did the things you did, all the trauma and pain you felt had to come out eventually. He knew the system, how women who report rapes are taken seriously and 5.7% go to trial. It was no wonder that you took the law into your own hands, he didn’t condone it but it was understandable.

“I flirt with you because you seem like you need some fun, that’s all.”

“I have fun.” Spencer frowned at the accusation but stopped once he heard you laugh, he looked over at you to see you looking totally comfortable in the seat, legs curled up underneath you and his oversized coat acting like a blanket.

“But, not like actual fun! If I had any money I’d bet you that night we met in the club was the first time you’d been to a club in let’s say… five years.” You watched as Spencer did the calculations in his bed, his nose twitched and an exasperated sigh followed.

“That wasn’t fun, we were scouting you out.” Spencer explained despite your laughter, you knew you’d won the bet and therefore had proved your point.

That was one of the most fun nights of your life, when you had walked into the club you knew the FBI were already there and it would be your last night of freedom. You spent whatever time you had dancing, wanting to feel that rush one more time before you were locked up. When you laid eyes on Spencer at the bar it was clear that you had to go speak to him even if it would end up in your arrest, you had been enamoured by him from the day you first saw him on the news.

You hummed in response and leant your head back against the door, watching the sun slowly set. Eventually your eyes closed and instead of watching the sun fade away enjoyed the last of the sunshine against your skin before it disappeared.

Spencer drove in silence until night fell, his eyes growing tired and before he knew it he was pulling over to the side of the road. He didn’t fancy sleeping in his already small car but there was little choice, he debated climbing into the back seats and sleeping there but he was too tired.

“My feet are cold.” You complained with your voice muffled against car door, Spencer glanced around for something to warm you up before glancing down at his own feet. He slipped his shoes off and then his socks, putting his shoes back on afterwards.

“Here.” You peeked one eye open to look at Spencer before then moving your legs out from underneath you, he slowly rolled his socks into your feet for you. You wiggled your feet for a second before smiling and curling back up.

Instead of going to sleep you looked up at the sky and studied the stars, you marvelled at the feeling of how incredibly normal everything felt. You didn’t have to imagine as hard that this was just your normal life, that things had never gone the way they did.

“Did you have a girlfriend?” Spencer looked over at you with confusion plastered over his face, you just smiled and shrugged your shoulders. “I’m guessing I asked the wrong question back at the prison, cute guy like you… you’ve got to have had someone.” Spencer watched as you looked back out the window, eyes wide and lashes fluttering.

“She’s gone now.” Spencer hadn’t said her name in so long, every time he did he was reminded of the guilt he still harboured within him; and how awful he still felt making her death about him. When he did manage to say it, it was always a whisper. A silent prayer he said into the dark when he couldn’t sleep but now his tongue had long since forgotten how to wrap around the word.

“Was she beautiful?” You whispered, staring up at the stars with wonder if your eyes, you wondered if they had always been this bright. It had been years since you had been able to see them and you’d almost forgotten all their glory, how the sky would be so boring without them. The car was silent, the sound of vehicles humming as they drove down the highway.

“Yes.” Spencer said so softly you weren’t sure it had even come from his mouth, you glanced over at him to see him already looking at you. Your eyes met and for a second, it felt like something was there.

Your heart was heavy as you laid your head back down, slowly you were realising that no matter how hard you did try, this was never going to be your life and nothing would change that.

By the time you woke up, Spencer was driving again and the sun was bright in the sky. He noticed your movements and glanced over at you, observing how you stretched your toes out onto the dashboard and yawned widely.

“We’re in Tennessee, you need to tell me where to go now.” You quickly explained to Spencer where to go and who was controlling the ring. It was a buisness between two brothers, they stole children and sold them to the highest bidder.

You slipped your hands into the pockets of the coat and felt Spencer’s phone, rather than taking the phone out and examining it, you glanced down and took note of the countless missed calls and messages from his team.

“Spencer we know you’re with (Y/N) if you can get away call us and tell us where you are.”

“Garcia is tracking your car we’re on our way.”

Before Spencer noticed you took your hands out of your pockets and instead reached for another piece of gum, your stomach growled loudly and you pressed your hand down against it. There was no time to stop for food and you highly doubted Spencer would want to delay this journey anymore, you stayed quiet and tried to focus on what you had drove all this way for.

It wasn’t long until Spencer arrived at the address, it was an old farmhouse and a barn and both had been refurbished, there was no cars outside so you decided there was going to be no one inside.

“What did you say you heard ab-” You were already getting out of the car when Spencer begun his sentence, your legs wobbled slightly as you began running towards the barn. “(Y/N) wait!” He clambered out of the car and chased after you, only catching up just as you were about to open the doors.  
Inside was what could only be described as a nightmare, it had been refurbished and instead of pens for animals there were countless cages. Inside the cages were children, ranging from the ages of five to eight. Spencer recognised some of the children from missing reports and while he’d seen worse things, knowing people could do things like this was always a shock.

“Fucking hell, help me get them out.” You lunged forward to enter the barn but Spencer stopped you, his arm coming out in front of you.

“We don’t know where the people who did this are, we need to be careful.” Maybe it wasn’t intentional but you noticed how he was grouping himself together with you when he used “we”, it was probably nothing but you still kept it in mind. You nodded and waited for him to move his arm out of the way before slowly walking inside, there were padlocks on the cages so you looked around for something to break them with.

“We’re the good guys, my friend and I are going to get you guys out.” Spencer said in a soft voice and your head snapped round to look at him. You shared a quick look once he realised what he had said before you went back to focusing on finding something, the word friend dancing around in your head.

Eventually you found a hammer and decided that would be good enough, you went over to one of the first cages and with all the strength you had hit the padlock, it took another two hits but the lock broke off. You opened the cage and looked at the young boy inside, he couldn’t have been older than six and looked terrified.

“It’s all right, you heard my friend. We’re getting you out of here.” You leant into the case and gently took the boy into your arms, you focused on keeping him safe in your arms instead of the furious buzzing in your pocket. Spencer grabbed the hammer and proceeded to copy your moves while you walked back outside and placed the boy onto his feet. “Stay here.” You instructed before hurrying back inside.

Together you managed to break out seven children with five more remaining, you picked up the hammer to start on another lock before you heard the sounds of tires against the rough gravel and then police sirens.

“Looks like your friends found us.” You breathed out with a slight chuckle, you knew this had been coming and yet now the moment had arrived you weren’t ready. You still had so many things to say, things to do but you knew the world wasn’t so understanding.

“We can talk to them.” Spencer watched you drop the hammer but instead of walking outside you walked closer to him, then pulling him down into a hug. His arms did not wrap around you, they said by his sides but his head dropped down into the crook of your neck. There was nothing about your touch that would lead Spencer to the conclusion that you were anything but a normal person, your hold on him was tight and desperate but it was more of a scared girl not of a wanted monster.

You lead him go and stared up at him, studying his face for one last time before turning and walking outside, Spencer hurrying after you.

There were four cop cars and two black SVUs that he knew belonged to the FBI, if he could just explain what was happening then maybe things wouldn’t end so badly, there had been so many sad endings he couldn’t face another.

“Spencer Reid, (Y/N) (L/N), stand down!” A cop yelled with his gun pointed directly at Spencer.

“You don’t understand, let me explain!” Spencer yelled across at them with his hands up, he could see the team all standing their with their guns pointed and it was so strange to be on the other side. Surely they must have worked out what had happened, he hadn’t just turned into a criminal. He felt your hand reach out to grab his arm, when he looked over at you he noticed the tears in your eyes.

“Thank you, Spencer.”

You reached down into your pocket as if there was a gun inside and a symphony of gunshots went off, that was the last thing you heard before your body hit the ground.

The sky was a beautiful blue colour, the warmth of the sun streaked over your face and you felt a complete sense of peace come over you. When you hit the ground, it was already too late.

Everything happened so fast that Spencer didn’t know how to react, he watched with horror in his eyes as yet another woman was shot to death in front of them.

“She was unarmed!” Spencer yelled across at the hoard of police cars, he dropped to the ground beside you and went to check your pulse, your breathing, anything but Morgan had ran up and grabbed him from behind, pulling him away from your body despite Spencer’s protests. He couldn’t yell you were innocent because in no way were you but that didn’t mean that you had to become target practice along the way.

He didn’t know how he felt, he watched as medics came over to check your body but nothing came of that but looks of relief of their faces. The so called monster everyone had been hunting was dead, no wonder they were relieved by the lack of life in your body. Cops were rushing inside the building and some were tending to the children who had been taken outside.

“Are you out of your damn mind?” Morgan slammed Spencer against one of the cars and held him tightly by the collar of his shirt. “What the hell were you thinking?” Spencer kept trying to push Morgan off of him but he was too strong, keeping him pinned against the car. For once Spencer was speechless, his ears were ringing from the countless gunshots and his heart was pounding at an unhealthy rate.

“Get him in the car, now.” Hotch’s voice was usually cold but this was on a whole other level, he watched as Morgan pushed Spencer into one of the cop cars. Spencer looked out the window as the car started to drive away, he felt completely numb. He watched as people began to crowd around your body, examining the women who had escaped prison and then somehow convinced a FBI agent to travel across states with her. Someone was talking to him but he couldn’t make himself listen, he stared at your body until it was out of sight.

He didn’t know when you had decided you’d rather die here than go back to prison but everything you had said and done was making more and more sense by the second. If that was a good thing Spencer did not know but he knew that he would never forget the way you looked at him before you were shot, it was that look that made him finally understand.

Love was a strange thing, he felt uncomfortable calling it love but what else could it have been? A twisted, flawed from the start love that he never wanted but the heart does not pick and chose.

He would spend the rest of his life combing through the words shared in the short amount of time you spent together, trying his discredit his feelings but now love had a haunted meaning to it, one he wasn’t sure he could ever change.


	4. Epilogue.

Spencer pushed the front door to his apartment open, the silence which he was usually accustomed to seemed to hold more weight now, he used to love the peace and quiet but now it only made him feel more alone. He went to close the door behind him but noticed it had been almost knocked off it’s hinges, clearly his team had come here first before turning to Garcia for help.

He looked up at the bullet hole in his ceiling, thankfully he lived on the top floor so there was no one else above him. Spencer recalled the way you had jumped at the sound of the shot, yet how perfectly still you were with a whole assembly of guns aimed directly at you; yet another mystery he would spend too much time thinking about.

With the quest for answers, he had returned with only more questions to ponder on and a whole lifetime ahead of him to never truly know the truths.

The floorboards creaked with each small step he took, remembering the way you twirled around his living room like a ballerina at the back of a music box. There was no music now, the girl no longer had to dance. Spencer followed the way your feet moved, bare toes against the wooden floors.

_Spinning through the town, sooner or later the fever ends._

The song played in his head as he finally began to look of his apartment for evidence you had even there in the first place, he found the clothes you arrived in a puddle at the end of his bed. Without hesitation he picked the sweater up, feeling the coarse fabric between his fingertips before picking it up to his nose. It smelt sweet, like a strawberry milkshake or candyfloss, a mixture of the both. He knew that these clothes were evidence, they should have been taken away and processed but instead Spencer put the sweater back down, not quite ready to let go just yet.

His wardrobe had been fully raided, shirts dispersed all over the room, some had their buttons undone indicating you had tried them on and decided it wasn’t the one. The police still had his clothes, the ones you had taken and the others he had offered. It made him look more guilty, they’d already decided they weren’t going to charge him with anything after Hotch had a word with the police; Spencer didn’t know what he had said but he highly doubted it had anything to do with him sharing the blame with you.

Spencer kept moving, walking out of his bedroom and into his bathroom. A pair of scissors sat on the edge of the sink along with locks of your hair, he began to brush the hair into the bin sat under the sink before looking up into the mirror.

While studying his tired reflection Spencer noticed that the medicine cabinet was unlocked, something he always made sure not to do in case his mother when she visited tried to mess with the medicine. He noticed the hair clip on the sink once all the hair was gone, it had been straightened and clearly used to unlock the cabinet. Spencer slowly pulled the door open and peeked inside, a small paper note sat leaning up against some cough medicine.

Spencer didn’t read the note until he was sat back down on his bed, his hands shook as he unwrapped the small piece of paper and began to read.

I _f you’re reading this that means my track record of killing men has ended, mostly likely because I am now dead. It feels weird writing that, I’ve known it was coming for weeks now and yet I’m still not ready. I hope it was quick, not too bloody,_

_You must have a lot of questions and I have some answers, I could answer them now but where is the fun in that? You’ll have to wait, who knows for how long but if I’m right, one day._

_I don’t know if you believe in soulmates but I hope we meet again, in another life where things don’t go so wrong. I screwed this one up for us but there are as I’m sure you’d so smartly point out there’s an infinite amount of universes, there’s got to be one where things went right for us._

_I could say I love you, that I am thankful for your curious mind for taking an interest in me. I could, but then you’d know the truth and that big brain of yours needs to keep active, so maybe I do and maybe I don’t. Maybe it’ll drive you crazy, wouldn’t you then understand more than ever? It’s your turn to give me the answers, I’ll be waiting._

_So, until we meet again, doctor._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave a kudos and comment if you enjoyed! <3


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